Does anyone know how to programmatically retrieve the SuiteQL schema?

I'd recommend installing Tim's SuiteQL query tool and opening Developer Console to see how he does it. https://timdietrich.me/netsuite-suitescripts/suiteql-query-tool/

Will do thanks Eric!

He has an article here about using the Records Catalog API to get database information. https://timdietrich.me/blog/netsuite-records-catalog-api/

Lovely, thanks Mike