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how to access a custom sbubtab on transaction form  from suitelet?

thats not something you would do server side from the suitelet

use <https://system.netsuite.com/app/help/helpcenter.nl?fid=section_n3144618.html#bridgehead_N3153135|setScript> (perhaps in combination with <https://system.netsuite.com/app/help/helpcenter.nl?fid=section_n3144618.html#bridgehead_N3147271|addButton>) to add client side code that can access <https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/API/Window/parent|Window.parent> or <https://developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/Web/API/Window/opener|Window.opener>