i can tell you a joke about udp but some of you won't get it

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke. OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke. Okay, I will hear a TCP joke. Are you ready to hear a TCP joke? Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke. Okay, I am about to send the TCP joke. It will last 50 seconds, it has 634 characters, it does not have an explicit setting, and it ends with a punchline. Okay, I am ready to get your TCP joke that will last 50 seconds, has 634 characters, does not have an explicit setting, and ends with a punchline. I'm sorry, your connection timed out ... Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

OMG this wins!

There's a whole lot more here: https://attrition.org/misc/ee/protolol.txt

tyvm @michoel I needed the lolz. that was a stressful outage.